Adam Sunny Flanders

On Tuesday, May 15th, one of the most amazing men you'll ever know - my grandfather, Harland Nickerson - passed away at the age of 81. Those of us close to him knew him as Dar, a name us grandchildren gave him. If I could only use one word to describe Dar, it would be integrity. I have never known anyone to carry so much respect in a community, and yet at the same time remain so humble, so down-to-earth. Dar had strong principles, both in his personal life and in his work. He showed everyone that the good guy can finish first. Over the past few days I've heard comments like, "Harland never had a single enemy," and "Everyone loved him." I think he loved everyone, too. He loved life and lived every day to the fullest. Even in his last days he was trying to help my mom and I with the horses.

If I had a second word to describe Dar, it would be caregiver. At a very young age, following the loss of his own father, Dar took over as head of household to care for his large family, including several young sisters. He did this not because it was the easy thing to do, but because it was the right thing to do. Dar taught me that being there for the people you love, is the only real task we are given in this short life. He always ensured the people around him had what they needed, whether it was a home for his family or even the shirt off his back for a complete stranger. The only reason I am here today is because 25 years ago, Dar made a promise to my mom. He promised her that if she wanted this baby, he'd be here for her no matter what. So many of us owe Dar so much, and yet I have a feeling he wouldn't ask any of us for repayment. In the Bible, Corinthians talks about having nothing and yet possessing everything. Dar was never wealthy, but he was always rich with love and people who cared about him, respected him.

I don't know where people like Dar come from, but I'm pretty sure I know where they go. I'm sure Dar is with my grandmother Kay, who he adored so much. He's probably wondering why we're all so sad and wish we'd be happy. For Dar, Heaven was already here - for him, it was the stuff we take for granted every day. Heaven was being with family, pumping gas for his customers at the Exxon station, teasing my grandmother in the kitchen, working with the horses. Dar always brought a little light to every day, no matter how hard things seemed. I think he'd want us to know that - to know that we already have Heaven right here, all of us together, all the little things that make life worthwhile. Dar wanted to live a life in honor and in love, and by God he did.

I'm starting off Summer early with my new garden. I've been outside working on it nearly every day when it's not been raining. I got my greenhouse back out again, too. My plantings are too numerous to list here and I'm always trying new things, but some of the highlights are tea (Camellia sinensis), tricyrtis (a type of lily that looks like a spotted orchid), nicotiana, and my favorite, plumeria. The garden is reserved for vegetables. I completed the fencing today to keep pesky little animals out. I'm not much of a hunter, but if something messes with my garden, it's done for. A picture of my pre-fence garden is below, along with a shot of my Encyclia orchid, the one I got from Florida that was supposed to smell of chocolate. It had a really nice perfume, but it was sweeter than chocolate. I attempted to pollinate the flowers, but seeing as I only have one plant, I'm not sure if it will work out or not. If it produces seed pods (fruit), I will definitely post pics of them. That said, germinating orchid seeds is a whole other science I'm not sure I'm prepared to undertake.

I just got some new rollerblades with 90mm wheels - the Rollerblade Tempest 90. The large wheel size took some getting used to, but I'm glad I upgraded the size because they're much smoother and faster. I got my little sister and some of her friends into it, too, and it seems we're at Great Skates at least once or twice a week, if not skating the streets in the middle of the night (no traffic). Also getting into archery and should have some new PSE Optima bows in the mail very soon. Even with all this, I can't wait to get back in the water for scuba diving this Summer, maybe a trip or two down to Florida this year. My little sister is getting her scuba certification this Summer so she'll be able to come along.

In between getting outside and occasionally working on iPhone programming (I'm gonna have some awesome apps coming out later this Summer!), I've been helping my mom out with her father (my grandfather). He hasn't much time left due to cancer and my mom is caring for him almost 24/7. Like me, she is opposed to nursing homes. I'm glad I can be home to help with things like groceries and various errands, or just watching my grandfather so my mom can take a break, though we do have hospice assistance and typically a LOT of company during the day. My mom has asked me to prepare a photo/video presentation for when he's gone, and I may post that here at some point, but for now we're just trying to enjoy what little time we have left with him. We managed to find some small red celosia the other day, his favorite flower. Because they were small, I also picked out some mature red salvia, which has a similar appearance. Dar (my grandfather) and Punzo...

Other than that, I've been trying to exercise regularly - I'm down to 135 pounds with a goal of 125, the minimum healthy weight for someone my height. I've built some muscle, too - pics are in my Flickr photostream and other sites. I hate this recent "big is beautiful" campaign stuff lately. I would never condone harassment against someone who is overweight or obese, but that demographic describes over 68% of Americans now and it's creating significant costs to our labor force and healthcare system, especially as diagnoses of diabetes skyrocket. The problem is comparable to tobacco use and I find little difference between Deb's plus size ads and the Marlboro Man. For the most part, the magazine and other ad models accurately portray the body type and weight most of us should be striving for. A low body mass index and low body fat percent, while obtaining sufficient nutritional needs, is the ideal. Numerous studies continue to show that calorie restriction drastically improves overall health, decreases disease markers and risk, and improves longevity.

My court appeal is still pending with the Maine Supreme Court, but I'm hoping they'll hear it, especially where my attorney testified under oath that, had he known about the evidence that the State illegally concealed, he would NOT have accepted the plea bargain and would have gone to trial. I likewise testified I never would have pled guilty had I known about much of this hidden evidence - that my ex had deliberately set me up for his father, who told police that it would be "the best time he spent in jail" if he killed me back in February 2007 when I defended myself against his attempts to murder me. That is only the tip of the iceberg in this case. Right now I'm still trying to get discovery (evidence) from my 2007 case. 5 1/2 years later and the State is still refusing to give me copies of an investigation against me that was completed in 2007. I'm not sure what it is they're trying to hide, but it seems the State and DA are always trying to hide something in my case. It's OK, I'm not one to give up. I won't stop until I get the discovery, which I have a right to (since it's my own case evidence!), and I'll never give up until my appeals are resolved and justice is served. My family is 100% behind me. If you'd like to know more about my cases, refer to my blogs, Case Parts I, II, and III.

Also, in case you didn't hear, President Obama finally announced his full support for marriage equality. As this is an important issue coming up this November in Maine, I hope his words will have some impact on our voters here. I am undecided as to whether I will get involved in this year's campaign. I have so many other things going on and it's also my belief that civil rights should not be subject to popular vote, but rather litigated in the high courts. It is the responsibility of the high courts, especially the US Supreme Court, to protect minority rights against mob rule. No civil right in American history has ever been won by popular vote.

The Legend of Korra is the new sequel to Avatar: The Last Airbender, which is one of my favorite series of all time. I'm really pleased they're continuing the story with Korra, the new avatar. The first two episodes are currently available for free on iTunes. Like The Hunger Games' Katniss, Korra will likely make a great, non-sexualized heroine. We need more central strong females in modern literature that represent individuals rather than sex objects, the latter category of which includes Lara Croft, Elle Woods, and Xena Warrior Princess.

In the animated world, Disney has come a long way, but most or all of their main female characters, while often possessing an independent streak, are still dependent upon males and the end point of the story is typically courtship and a readjustment into domestic female life that is reminiscent of the 50's. It would seem that movie producers want to assure their audience that no matter how much independence or power their female characters establish, they will always end up in their "rightful place" as the female archetype. Mulan comes to mind - she was once very independent, but in the end, Disney assures us it was just a phase and everything's OK. Disney's recurring princess theme allows for some female independence and strength but a monarchial role presumes gender expectations, a role from which Disney (and Pixar) have yet to break free.

Studio Ghibli has done little more to break that stereotype, though Arrietty is probably their best work in this direction thus far (though the other female characters don't offer much hope in this respect). Ghibli has performed better in the task of neutralizing male gender stereotypes, often using machismo as comic relief, but for the most part, their female characters still smack of damsel in distress.

Oftentimes literature speeds ahead of social constraints, but in this case, it's still taking some time for film to catch up to progressive changes in gender roles. There is nothing wrong with an effeminate female character (or masculine male character for that matter), and diversity enhances literature - it gives the audience the spice of variety and forms the basis of conflict that is necessary to any story. It's just that we haven't seen many strong, independent women on the big screen who aren't also portrayed as sex objects. There is a place for just about every character, and I praise The Legend of Korra for adding to a small but growing pool of such personalities.

Madonna's new album MDNA was released today. I pre-ordered it a while ago and got a notification last night, downloading it at midnight. Most of the music is dance club style and reminds me of Confessions on a Dance Floor. So far my favorite songs are Turn Up the Radio and Beautiful Killer. Apparently her music video for Girl Gone Wild has caused controversy. While I'm not surprised that Madonna is able to cause controversy with one video, I am a little surprised that Americans are still so sensitive to nudity and sexuality. For all our freedoms, particularly free speech, we remain a very prudish nation within the developed world. Madonna's always been my favorite artist and I'm glad that she continues to push the envelope, even though I'm disappointed there's still an envelope to push. The music video of my favorite song of all time, What It Feels Like for a Girl, was completely banned from MTV (except MTV Europe) in the early millennium. Girl Gone Wild is below.

If you haven't already, I highly recommend seeing The Hunger Games. I read all three books prior to opening night. I'm definitely team Peeta, hehe. If I had to choose, I would probably want to live in District 3 (computer technology) or District 4 because I could live on the ocean. The series is on par with Harry Potter, though my favorite fiction series is still His Dark Materials (the Golden Compass book series). The Hunger Games soundtrack is also pretty good, with genres similar to the Twilight soundtrack, which I love, even though I'm not a huge fan of the actual literature (with the exception of Taylor Lautner - go Team Jacob!). I've also been working on iPhone programming (if you have any ideas for Apps, let me know!) and continuing grad school at UMaine. Just picked up Kid Icarus: Uprising for my 3DS the other day, too. It's pretty awesome and definitely worth the wait - I've had it reserved since January! You may recall that I made my own Pit costume for Halloween last year.

Team Peeta! <3

I'm looking forward to tilling a garden this Summer so that some of my potted plants can migrate outdoor and have a life outside rather than in the house or my greenhouse. An orchid I got from Florida is just starting to bloom. I have rice, radish, and bell peppers growing inside right now, and I'm trying out tea (Camellia sinensis) - it only makes sense considering I drink up to a gallon of loose tea every day (no exaggeration). Unfortunately the plant requires several years of growth before leaves can be harvested. I'll be happy if I can just get some of the seeds to germinate. Here in Maine we got teased by the 80˚F weather recently, now back down in the 30's. I've been rollerblading a lot and can't wait to get back in the water to go scuba diving this Summer, as well as some archery.

A couple years ago I had a Protection from Abuse (PFA) Order against my ex-boyfriend, Josh Lowell. This was because he physically and verbally abused me during our relationship. The court made a finding of abuse and granted the order. In November 2009 Josh violated that order by writing me an email and facebook message in which he tries to reestablish a relationship with me.

After that I attempted to get Josh prosecuted for the PFA violation, though it was very difficult because he was a transient in New York and the State of Maine can't afford to extradite for misdemeanors. I was also attempting to subpoena discovery from my own case from the district attorney's office in Rockland, Maine. Once DA Rushlau became aware of my subpoenas and my PFA against Josh, he wrote me the following letter:

January 25, 2010 Letter from DA Geoffrey Ruslau

In the letter, despite being fully aware of the PFA and the court's prior finding that Josh in fact abused me, Rushlau tells me that he feels it is "bizarre" that I see myself as a victim of Josh Lowell. He states that I am not a true victim and totally disregards the fact that Josh in fact abused me and that a court of law made a factual finding that Josh abused me both physically and verbally. Rushlau goes on to also indicate his belief that Josh's apparent violation of the protective order shows "no evidence of harassment." He then states that the subpoena is invalid because a clerk at Belfast District Court failed to sign it, and ends the letter by making it clear he will continue to oppose my efforts to gain access to the evidence from my own case. I later obtained the evidence anyway after my attorney motioned the Superior Court, which compelled Rushlau to produce the evidence against his wishes. We had to do that a lot, actually. Rushlau has been critized by domestic violence organizations for being dismissive of domestic violence cases.

Even though a judge found that Josh abused me, this was insignificant to Rushlau. It's clear that Rushlau's decision not to produce my own evidence was a form of retaliation based solely on the fact that I was granted a PFA against Josh. That is, a district attorney retaliated against a victim of domestic violence because that victim took action to protect himself from abuse. Rushlau wrote that he was initially "inclined" to produce the evidence, but after reading the PFA and Josh's email to me, he decided not to.

The broader implications of this district attorney's misbehavior are even more significant. Particularly at a time when the State should be protecting victims of domestic violence and reinforcing protective orders, Rushlau felt it was acceptable to write to a domestic violence victim and belittle me and proclaim that I am not a "true" victim. What is more disturbing is that Governor LePage recently appointed Rushlau to his Judicial Selection Committee. I'm not sure how Rushlau assisting LePage in new judge nominations will promote LePage's goal of reducing domestic violence in Maine. I have to wonder how many other personal letters Rushlau has written and will write to victims of domestic violence, attacking them and telling them they really aren't victims at all.

And then of course, his office also chose not to prosecute an obvious hate crime assault and/or domestic assault against me while in Knox County Jail in 2007, resulting in my hospitalization...

Police Report of Alan Bernardo's Assault Against Adam Flanders

Unfortunately in 2007 the Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act hadn't yet been passed, so federal prosecutors lacked jurisdiction to investigate Alan Bernardo for a hate crime. Alan and I were "family or household members" (domestic) under Maine law because we were living in the same unit and I had done sexual favors for him. The jail guards wrote me up for sexual conduct but I was bailed out before they could impose disciplinary action (In fact, I only made bail because of Alan's assault - Judge Horton believed jail was unsafe for a young gay kid like me, so I was placed on house arrest). Alan was afraid that we were getting too close and that other inmates (who really had no problem with gay people) would find out and that's why he attacked me that night. One of the guards knew about my sexual relations with Alan, but he pinky-promised me he wouldn't tell. I'm not sure if Alan should have been charged with a hate crime or domestic assault, but unfortunately Rushlau's office chose not to prosecute, even though it would have been a really easy conviction what with Alan having an extensive assault and attempted murder record and being on probation at the time.

You will notice that Deputy Boyington ends his report by writing, somewhat indignantly, "I was notified today, nearly 9 months after this report was sent to the DA's Office for review, that the State of Maine will not be prosecuting anyone in this incident." Following the Deputy Report and Alan's handwritten letters to me, I also included Rushlau's December 4, 2009 letter to me, finally providing the photos of my face and the evidence related to the assault. It took me over two years of filing motions and subpoenas to get this material from Rushlau. When Alan was released from jail I filed for a Protection from Abuse Order against him and even for that hearing, Rushlau refused to produce the evidence in this case. It was only after I contacted every domestic violence project in the State of Maine, particularly New Hope for Women, that he finally produced the evidence, long after the court found that Alan and I were sexual partners and that he physically abused (assaulted) me. So much for our state being tough on domestic violence...

I've been thinking about getting back into modeling again. I did some test shots last night and I was quite happy with the results. I always enjoyed modeling for the most part, getting to travel, working with photographers - almost everything I know about photography is stuff I picked up while modeling. At some point I thought I should focus on school and all, but there's really no need to choose between them. I'm not enrolled in classes this semester, so I've had some extra time on my hands. I've mostly been working on building iPhone Apps as part of my Seashore Design company, along with some graphic and web design work, but I thought I'd take a short break the other night and have some fun. I think what got me thinking was seeing David Beckham's new underwear commercial during the Super Bowl - I've always admired his modeling and his body. Madonna's performance was amazing, by the way!!! If you haven't yet watched the halftime show, look it up online! I've already pre-ordered Madonna's newest album, MDNA, which will be released in late March. Madonna has always been my favorite musical artist.

If you are a photographer and would like to work with me, drop me a line. If you're already modeling and want someone to work with, I'm pretty much up for anything. It's art, it's fun. I do have a ModelMayhem account, though I haven't used it much lately (I also just made a Tumblr account, but I have no idea what to do with it, haha). Maybe I will breath some life back into MM with my recent test shots. Some of them are below. I haven't had time to Photoshop them and to be honest, I kind of like the raw photos. I typically don't do a lot of post-processing in the photos of myself other than maybe white balance. I like the natural look and so I refuse to wear makeup, too (I've always hated makeup, even on Halloween, hehe). Photographs emphasizing the male body should be straightforward and organic, in my opinion. It can be fun to do really artsy stuff, even body paint, but that's not the intention of these test shots.

I've really been wanting to do some water surface and underwater shots, though I've got some waiting to do if I take them in Maine - we're still in the thick of winter here, though it's been very mild. Today managed to reach the low 50's, amazingly. I was just in California last month and it was so much better there (in more ways than temperature, lol), but not as hot as Florida, my second home <3 I want to tone my body a bit more, too. I've lost over 20 pounds since this time last year, now down to 138 with a goal weight of 125. That will give me the best muscle definition while also maintaining the minimum healthy weight for my height. Anyway, feel free to comment or drop me a line if you're interested in working with me. I'm pretty easy going and fun to work with.

This one is just for fun - me & Punzo. Punzo's two little sisters are doing wonderfully, by the way, and we are looking for good homes for them when the time comes. Seven pomeranians (and a sheltie who thinks she's a pomeranian) is way too many dogs for us, not to mention the rest of the zoo we keep at home.